Live life every moment

What is that one thing a child has that we lose as we grow. Is it the innocence, the charm or the diapers ;) It has to be the confidence a child has. As we age, somehow, our mind becomes more and more skeptical about things. Infact there are times where we accept defeat without even trying.

I realized this looking at my own daughters grit to just get up and walk. The entire transformation an infant goes through from her first breath in this world to the stage she reaches where she speaks a few words is amazing.

Let me quote an example. Suppose you fell off a height, what would your reaction be? Fear, panick and probably dread of what's going to happen. Now try lifting an infant up in the air and catching her back, a game we all play with children. Her only reaction would be laughter. Thats the power of confidence. The confidence she has in you, that you will not let go no matter what. The confidence that all will be well as always. This confidence is what makes her enjoy the moment of being in the air.

Just the same way, keep your faith in yourself and in the almighty above. Things will always fall in place and all will be well. Live life every moment.

Homesick.....

Life is so funny at times, when you've got everything and yet nothing. I always wanted to be here, where i am, all my life. I don't exactly remember how this desire popped in my brain, but my father once told me in Class 9 that this wish of working with computers came as early as when i was in Class 3 and has never left me! Inevitably, my only choice was an Engineering in Computers and here i am a software professional. Sometimes life is such a struggle, and no all the years were not easy, but something kept me going.

I was very proud of all i have done amidst all my challenges, esp on my first onsite assignment. Singapore is a beautiful city and for a person like me who loves to see places, it was a wonderful opportunity to start with. But like i said, life is funny. I have all i need. A loving supporting husband, great parents and inlaws, and such a wonderful baby, a good career to build on, in the field i always wanted to be in and i still love my job. But yet, there is something missing. The face of my daughter all smiles and running around the house playing with me haunts me.

We homosapiens, are always in search of something. There is always a void which needs to be filled in. We can always find something to improve!

I walk back home tonight, counting my days of stay abroad. Counting the days to hold my daughter and sing to her (our crazy songs :)). Counting the days to cook for my husband. Counting days to laugh together! Counting days to quarrel with my mother.

I am coming home.....humming a song all the way.....to be with the people i love so much.

Love me Forever....

Love me not for common grace,
For my pleasing eye or face,
Nor for my outward part,
No, nor for my constant heart,
For those may fail or turn ill,
So you and I shall sever,
Keep therefore a true man's eye.
And love me still but know not why.
So you have the same reason still,
To dote upon me forever.

Early Rising

God bless the man who invented sleep
And bless him, also, that he didnt keep
His great discovery to himself, nor try
to make it - as the lucky fellow might -
A close monopoly by patent right!

Yes-bless the man who first invented sleep
But blast the man with curses loud and deep,
Whatever the rascal's name, age or station,
Who first invented and went around advising,
That artifical cut off - Early Rising!

"Rise with the lark, and with the lark to bed",
Observe a solemn, sentimental owl!
Just enquire about his rise and fall,
And whether larks have any beds at all!

To Night

I heard the trailing garments of the Night
Sweep through her marble halls.
I saw her sable skirts, all fringed with lingh
From the celestial walls.
I felt her presence, by its spell of might,
Stoop over me from above;
The calm, majestic presence of the Night,
As of the one I love.

I heard the sounds of sorrow and delight,
The manifold, soft chimes,
That fill the haunted chambers of the night,
Like some old poets rhymes.

Peace!Peace! I breathe this prayer.
Descend with broad winged flight,
The welcome, the thrice prayed for, the most fair,
The best beloved Night.

The Raindrop

There she fell,
I saw her up there, fighting her way,
through the barriers of sky, and she came down,
All the way to me!

An angel up above must've told her of me,
and she came down in search of me,
to see me laugh and smile!

I know the reason of her visit,
and embraced her with laughter,
with a song on my lips,
I caught her carefully in my palm.

And she sat their, listening to my song,
and sent a sparkle as sunshine touched her.

She laughed with me thus, as I beamed at her

Friends forever

There it was, sitting pretty on his cluttered desk. Meg had kept it right on the center of the table above all other papers, just so it would grab his attention the first thing in the morning. Meghna Kakodkar, the office assistant had always known what was most important and what was least, and as her boss's eyes moistened looking at it, she patted herself, a beautiful smile playing across her face, for having been so thoughtful.

As he openend the cover, hands trembling with excitement, all those memories came flashing back to him. Blinking hard to avoid tears, he read through, it was the invite. All of 25 years had passed and here it sat on his desk. Life had given Manoj Jain everything, almost everything. He was a strong head to conquer in the world of Money Markets. A Financial Consultant who practiced his magical art of making money out of everything with his Midas touch, and not to mention those movie star looks, he was a hot favourite of the banks as well as the newspapers. A few greys were showing up, now that he was all of 50 years, but that only added to that masculine charm women adored.

Meg knocked just in time, catching him staring into the picture on his table. On other occasions Meg would not have dared disturb him, but it was Nikhat waiting outside. And the man's love for his only daughter was legendary. He would go to any lengths to make sure she was doing fine, and what a fine girl she was! A medico by profession, a dancer by nature she was one of the beauties god had graced earth with. Nikhat Hussain, seeing her father engrossed in the picture, taken when she was just 5 years old, sent away Meg and walked right into Dada's office surprising him with a hug from behind. Instead of the deep laugh which she so admired, came a whimper and a shiver. She knew immediately her father was not in his elements as he walked across to the window.

She knew it was all her fault, not letting her father know that she would be out of the country for a week attending a medical convention but then he usually forgave her, as long as she was alright. This seemed something else. He saw the invite again and looked back at Nikhat and memories came flooding back to him.

25 years had passed. It was a friday and he was looking forward to going back to his hometown for the weekend after a particularly bad week, when the phone rang. He let it go to the answering machine, wary of any more work coming his way. And then the voice boomed.."Manoj..Manoj..I really need to talk to you....." and he found himself picking the receiver and cradling it with all affection. That was Ashraff, his best buddy at college, he knew his voice so well! They were the college Music Band, Manoj Jain - The Man, Ashraff Hussain - Ashes, Chris Baty - Kitten, the drummer, Zhang Yan - Zacky, the lanky Guitarist & Calvin Kodain - Cal, the lonesome pianist. Manoj and Ashraff were the lead singers. They looked so similar, what with them belonging to the same geographies but belligerant countries. Manoj was from a suburb near Bombay and Ashraff from Lahore, Pakistan. Studying business at the National University of Singapore, they all had dream careers waiting for them all over the world. But those carefree years of music and some macho fun, laughs over nothings and songs over everythings. Life was best though away from home. The graduation day was the last they saw of each other and they moved on from that point, into their respective worlds, leading separate and distant lives. And then came the call from Ashraff.

Even this minute when he thought back he had spoken to his friend on his last day of life, tears welled up. He wished they had spoken more but Ashes was in a hurry. As Manoj started off with, "What buddy, such a long time....." the reply came terse and to the point, "Listen Man, i've no time. To brief you of my situation, i'm now enlisted in the Pakistan Army and you know our countries are at war currently. They may be tracking this call for all i know, but promise me, take care of Nikhat if something happens to me. I've to fight for my country, dont ask me why. And by the way, Nikhat is my daughter, all of 5 years old, her mother dead on her birth and i dont want her to be alone. I've sent the address and photographs. Plz take care of my kid, she's too young and naive friend. Its only you in the whole world i trust. I need to go now. Khuda Hafiz Man" and the line went dead. For a few moments nothing registered. And that very Sunday Manoj got a call from the Pakistan Army. Major Ashraff Hussain had succumbed to his injuries on Saturday night and had willed his only surviving daughter some money and a gaurdian which was Manoj! His family was taken by storm. His father, the staunch Hindu cleric he was, would not approve of raising or adopting a muslim child under any circumstances, and this was a Pakistani kid!!

But Manoj had made the decision, it was his friend and he had to prove his friendship for Ashes soul to rest in peace. And what could a 5 year old girl do on her own anyway? He walked out of his father's house, never to return. And thats how Nikhat came into his life. Manoj never married, lived forever for a daughter he had not borne and all eyes envied the affection father and daughter shared.

Nikhat caught her dad staring out the window and pulled away the cover in his hand. It proclaimed a college reunion invite. She rang Meg and asked her to book two tickets to Singapore. Every year her Dada would refuse to go but not this time. She was taking him herself and she was so excited.

After the usual fuss, Manoj gave in to his daughter's whim and they went. Manoj told her of the music band and the lazy summers they spent singing away. About Ashraff, her biological father and the others. Chris, the kitten was waiting for them at the airport. As the men slapped each other's backs and exchanged hugs, Nikhat could not help but compare it with the image of her dada's slick handshake and the magazine cover smile he gave. Calvin had come to. All of them had made a mark for themselves with the education they had gotten. But two men were missing. Ashes, whose death was known but the reason for his joining the army was never deciphered by anyone! And Zacky, the lanky guitarist who had become a rock star with his music but somehow got muddled in drugs and was in and out of rehab.

As the evening set in and dinner was served, Nikhat announced the redemption of the Summer Band, and amidst the cheering of the crowd, Man, Kitten and Calvin performed. What a party that was!

Dream World

"There is a world, a world made of dreams, vivid dreams
Dreams full of colour, greens and blues and blacks.
The world i could talk about for ever and ever, and yet find nowhere."

Thats all was written. Here i was sitting around expecting to meet this mysterious woman again and instead i found this note on the same spot she always sat. Manjari was her name, atleast thats what she told me when i first met her. I can clearly remember that particularly hot day. Me and a few other friends had been watching a cricket match all day and once it was clear to us that India was going to lose anyway, we decided to throw away the remote control and hit the road.

Driving along the shore was so much fun, until i saw her. At first i thought i was hallucinating, for she was the most beautiful. And now, the drive seemed to be one boring jouney and the gibberish of my friends was hurting my ears! I quickly slowed down, and motioned to one of my friends in her direction, and there she was, sitting alone, watching the sea. Quite far away from us by now, and her head covered with a flowing Dupatta, my friend was least interested and quickly distracted by the appearance of a Snack stall. And as the boys went away, spiralling toward the attaction of hot and spicy chaat, i stood there, unsure which way to go, the woman inexplicably pulling me toward her.

The matter had to be resolved, else i would get no sleep. And so i went. Gently tapped her shoulder and took her by surprise, or rather i must say a shock!. Ah! Those eyes! Sea green eyes stared at me and the fear which a woman displays when touched by a stranger reflected on those eyes, the quiver in those eyes reminicent of the waves which danced in front of us. I smiled and made up a sheepish excuse of mistaken identity and she giggled back. Probably she knew of my little lie, but who cared as long as she smiled. As i introduced myself she readily accepted my company, and we were chatting away the evening, until twilight. As the sea changed its colours, and twilight set in, she abruptly excused herself and walked away. I guessed her to be belonging to one of the fishing communities adjoining the shore and watched her until i could no longer see her silhoutte.

My friends who had by now finished two rounds of gully cricket and plenty of snacks were impatient to hit the theatres next and soon i forgot all about her and threw myself headlong into the fun night ahead. Lying on my bed that night though, her face haunted me and i could get no sleep. By the time it was morning i had made up my mind, to ask her out the next day. "Hi, why dont we grab a cup of coffee?"...No! that dint sound romantic enough, or rather, "Hey, wanna catch a movie tonight?"..I found myself rehearsing the lines i would speak to her, "I think i'm falling in love with you"...I somehow felt increasingly less confident as the day proceeded and i kept glancing at the clock. It was time finally, and i went to the coast. The same spot, she was not there! And i turned back dejected, when something prodded me to check again, and there she was. I recognized her with her long dupatta. Green and Blue, just the same colour as her eyes. I walked as fast as i could towards her, and soon we were chatting away the evening. Strangely enough, she refused to eat anything and kept staring at the ocean everytime i asked her if we could move away from the shore farther into the city. Maybe she was not comfortable with the idea of a date as yet, i decided.

Days went on, and the same happened every day. I would find myself on the sea shore, chatting with her all of my evening. Initially my friends were teasing and prodding for more details, but soon they became suspiscious and one of them even worried about me and i brushed it off with a laugh. Maybe they were right, there was something amiss here. And i realized it when i held that note this evening. She had not come. I had been waiting all along, but there was no sign of her. Much to my dismay, there was nowhere else i could go looking for her, i dint even know where she lived!! I cursed myself for not having elicited details from her. I had fallen in love with a Manjari, who sat by the shore. Anyone would laugh it off as an odd infactuation. Was Manjari her real name? I did not know. I felt like a complete fool holding that note.

As i read and re read the note, i noticed the flowing handwriting, like the waves of the sea. And then it dawned on me. All of our evening conversations had been about the ocean and what lies beyond the infinite. Her eyes, Her Dupatta, Her everything was one with the ocean. The world of dreams in the note was the world in the ocean, green during the bay, blue by evening and black at night. As twilight set in, i walked into the ocean. I could see her standing there with outstretched arms, welcoming me to her dream world and i walked into the sea.

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The next morning, the fishermen found the body of Kailaash, floating to the shore. He had died of drowning, a blue green dupatta clasped in his hands.